That's right. I'm downright pissed. A person I love and adore has cancer. Again. Her prognosis isn't good. She's in pain. She's hurting. She's scared. And I can't do anything to stop any of it. I can't seem to feel anything other than anger. The old me would be judging my anger, telling me that it's time to move on, that I should be sad or grief-stricken or defeated. I would intellectualize my emotional processing and try to determine the appropriate amount of time to feel angry so I could know when to move on. The old me would lambast myself for staying stuck in the anger for so long.
The new me is curious. The new me tries not to judge my emotions. The new me wonders what the anger is about. The new me is angry and that's it, no reason needed, no justification required. I'm. Just. Angry.