I'm in the middle of reading "Leadership and Self-Deception", and I've had another a-ha. In this fast paced world, we are eager to learn the skills and tools to improve ourselves. We read books, go to trainings, and integrate the behaviors that are supposed to make our lives better. To me, this is acting. Let's say your goal is to create better relationships in your life. You can perform the acts, like spending more time with people, sharing your thoughts and feelings with them, and asking them about their lives. Depending on how you feel about them on the inside will distinguish between whether you are performing acts of connecting or you are actually connecting. People can always tell how to feel about them, because we have evolved to read all forms of human communication, like tone of voice, energy, body language, microexpressions, etc. This is the reason that if you want to build better relationships with others, you have to begin with you.