• Allison Garner

It Takes Two to Play Tug of War

I have a client who is very committed to his spouse. Recently, he realized that he has been neglecting many of his own needs in order to satisfy hers. We all know that in marriage we each need to give and take, but when the equation gets weighted heavily to one side then we usually have some issues. During our session, my client was reflecting on how he'd started setting some boundaries around not tolerating bad behavior. He was experiencing some discomfort and said he felt like he was giving in. I asked him to imagine his wife and him playing tug of war. Then I asked him what would it look like if he did the opposite of giving in. He said, "put down the rope." The result: he felt immediate relief. By putting down the rope, the tug of war ends.

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